A place in between obsessively caring and ignoring it all.
Ever since I moved over from the States, I've had a hard time finding a good balance putting time into talking to/writing to those I call friends who live in America and the friends here that I spend time with.
I used to feel like any of my efforts were not enough and I was sad that I could be with all the people I liked, but I've fallen into this place where I give less than a half-hearted effort into anyone.
Instead of making people feel loved, I've worried too much about the details and everything has gone to waste.
I do love all these people that have touched my life. I have plenty of excuses to not try harder to contact people, but laziness and apathy have to be the real reasons.
It's like I'm stuck in a place where I can't move on, where being 16 was just yesterday and relationships are all the same. But everyone else has surely moved on a bit, whether with new people or careers, family etc.
I have a family now, where I didn't used to.. but maybe I'm just refusing to grow up?
I'd like to say it's easy to change, find the perfect balance, and get things back right where everyone feels how I really and truly feel for them.
But the truth is, I'm not sure I'm ready.. and I can clearly admit I'm much more selfish than I want to be.
