My thoughts on my life concerning Jesus. (messy, but they're just rough thoughts :) )

Here is a long version for those of you who'd like to read.

Since I was a small girl I've always know about Jesus, I've known that He loves me. My parents were (and still are!) Christians, yes. Imperfect like the rest of humanity with their own flaws, I also have similar flaws and some uniquely my own. I know that everything good about my personality and character is due to the upbringing by Christian parents and loving Jesus.{ I do believe you can have a lovely character without having Christian parents and without following Jesus.. I know many people who are seemingly kinder than lots of Christians.. which is sad.. because we should be wanting to be like Jesus. }
When I was 5 years old (I believe roughly around that age) I asked Jesus into my heart, I asked him to be my savior.

I suppose I didn't fully understand what that meant, though I did love Jesus. I didn't doubt his existence either. If anything, I have experience childlike faith and it's beautiful.

Around this age and a bit older I had experienced somethings I understood FAR less, has no real grasp on the wrong or right of it..
My mother used to watch these kids, and I don't really know the other girls side of the story, if she had been sexually abused before (which I'm assuming so.. it would make the most sense), and I was caught in the hurricane of it.. the after effect of the innocence of a child being misused.
I didn't understand what was happening then, and I won't go into details but I know I haven't imagined it. These would be the first of other experiences, but I'm not the victim. How could we have known better when we didn't understand what we were doing? Only children.

Anyways, I doubt this had any serious effect on me till later on when I remembered what had happened and wondered if it had anything to do with my self esteem issues.


At 11 I saw a pornographic image on the computer for the first time, something happened with me trying to get to the Care Bears website to play games, must have mixed up a word.. and BAM! Burned into your brain forever. I did tell my mom, but I'd carry it with me.. and end up struggling not to look up these girls who'd sold themselves short, I'd look them up to compare myself.. my normal, imperfect not fully done growing body to the photohacked, airbrushed images that are so easy to find.

Needless to say I struggled with self esteem issues. I hated my body, and only now do I realize the reasons I would skip breakfast  or wait all day to eat till dinner. I thought it would make me be 'perfect'. 

"What does this have to do with anything?" Well, it'll come together, just wait :)

At 13 years old I went to a church camp held at Camp Davidson in Oregon. That's when I dedicated my life to fully following Christ. I knew from then on how ALIVE He was, that he sacrificed himself on the cross to save me from my sins, from being forever cut off by God. He sacrificed himself so I could be loved, eternally by my Creator.

Let's fast forward a bit, when I was 17 I met the man I would marry, at 18. He's a Christian, he is also not perfect either. So we make mistakes together, but really it's awesome to see how we can challenge each other to grow into better, more joyful people :)
  Roughly a year into our marriage we decided we wanted to have a baby! We were so excited when we fell pregnant we told his family and mine when I was about 6 weeks along, basically the day after we told them... I started to lose our child. That is probably the most devastating thing I have ever endured.
And no.. just because you're a Christian doesn't mean things get easy or that bad things don't happen. Bad things happen because of the choices we make, bad stuff happens because the world is fallen.


I wanted to share some of the things that happened to me, I've had pain.. I still struggle with feeling like I'm not physically as good as everyone else. I still struggle feeling worthy. But I KNOW my God loves me, I know He treasures what I don't see as beautiful. He's got me through these times through His word, through the strength of Godly, imperfect human beings who are trying to be like Jesus and follow him, my friends.

You feel peace when you're at your most terrible times, you've got strength when you're falling to pieces.
You know you're loved when everyone else rejects or neglects you. If you rely on Him, you get through. You have hope and peace.


I know this isn't eloquent or well put together, and veeerrrry rough. But these are my thoughts, these are my experiences and I'm more than happy to answer questions you might have.
I don't want these to be treated as secrets, if you have questions about whatever please ask me.



^"35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:35-39

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

John 8:36

Being Brave; thoughts.

I was pondering bravery,... well, rather I was wondering if I am a brave person.

I'll kill things (bugs) for people who are afraid. I'll do little things, things that aren't truly important. Like, I rarely find the ability to stand my ground on things I feel strongly in. Its as if the words are there, but my mouth is glued shut.

I remember when my sister and I were young, the neighbor girls picked on her and I did nothing, didn't defend her. But as soon as either of us would tell off one of the girls, the other sister would step in and tell us off...

I wonder how greatly I let fear and wanting to be accepted rule me. I'm afraid to say things that are in defense of my Christian friends because I don't want to make them look foolish or end up in the cross fire.

I think if I really sought after God's opinion I would be very brave. I wouldn't mind what others though, I mean.. I still feel like a dimwit after speaking my mind in bible study weeks ago. Perhaps it's because I wasn't careful with what I was saying... or perhaps I guard my words and rarely speak that I am still in shell shock that I said anything :P


Also, I reckon I speak openly at the wrong times, when I put my defense up and get the claws out. When the anxiety of being belittled or emotionally crushed is (seemingly) in the horizon, my thought process goes down the poop shoot and tada! Big ol' not think mess. Great, a jumble of fear, anger, and annoyance spill out like venom targeting straight for the soul.. 'like a two-edged sword'.


I think the key here to all of this is probably self-control, it does seem that it would describe 'keeping yourself from doing something' BUT it also encompasses 'DOING something you know you're meant to do'.

Ahhh, to ramble. <3

Sanctified.. just a little thinking typed out.

I want to live a life of loving on people, constantly reminding myself that none of us is beyond redemption and no one is immune to eternal suffering.
We could always be in that other person's shoes. We could always be that person that made a horrible choice to cause someone else to suffer.
Jesus is a redeemer, Jesus is a lover, He made the way for us to be free from our burdens. And all we have to do is accept it.

I don't always make the right choices, I don't always want to do the right thing. But I know who I should be like, and I know I'm loved even though I don't deserve to be.


1 Corinthians 6:9-11
^"9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,¹⁰nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹And^C)"> such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

I guess I've just had this verse on my mind and heart for a while. I'd been thinking about how we are so quick to be judgemental and we forget our own short comings so easily when we can point the finger at someone else. We separate our badness from other peoples badness and say that they are worse. Yes, the world does treat things/punish differently for different crimes. Like murder, etc (which sometimes, people get longer time in prison for stealing.. our world is a corrupt place). But God sees us as the same. We all do things that are unjust, selfish, and hateful. God disapproves of them all and we should be getting a good beat down. Just because our badness is 'less bad', doesn't mean we don't deserve to be punished.

But in steps God's love and mercy. He gives us Jesus and says "You know what, you've really hurt me. You do the wrong thing all the time, I give you instructions, restrictions, etc. Make things easier on you and you still can't get it right. BUT! Because I'm so huge, unfathomable, terrible, awesome, mighty, holy, righteous, beyond any description you can come up with in your human comprehension, I'll send Jesus. He'll be the way that I can be connected with you and have a relationship with you again. Because my love is so vast and deeply amazing for you."

If God, who has every right to knock us silly for all the stuff we do everyday but doesn't because He loves us and he see the sacrifice of Jesus over us, loves us then what right do we have to withhold love from others?

We really need to look at ourselves, it's SO easy to be self-righteous, be the glittery, pretty gold cup on the outside and where the drink is held is completely, putrid disgustingness.

Jesus came down on the hypocrites, the pharisees, people who made it all show, but their hearts where all twisted up and defunked. Jesus ate with and loved on the people the pharisees thought of as scum. He went against everything that was culturally 'acceptable' so he could reach out and love.

Yah, I think Jesus is epically amazing and God is especially gracious to us. What are we going to do about that?

I know I have SO much to work on and am far away from what I should be doing and who I should be. But I've got love. I have a redeemer and that gives me Hope!

CUPCAKES!

Alright, SO I really like cupcakes. I like the way they look, the way they smell, and (usually..) the way they taste!

Unfortunatley, I can't seem to bake cupcakes I actually think taste ok.. Usually the texture is totally off OR I can't seem to find a good frosting for them :(

I complaned to my mom at one point about this and she bought be a cupcake book for Christmas! She's nice! :D But I haven't actually got around to baking anything from it yet...

Anyways, I thought I'd share a few links I've found with cute baking-y stuffs!

Bakerella(http://www.bakerella.com/)! SUPER cute, not all cupcakey.. but seriously.. if you're into baked cuteness, you'll like it.. A LOT! Make sure you check out the cakepops!

CakeJournal(http://www.cakejournal.com/) Is FULL of how-to do anything from decorating a cupcake and what tips to use, to decorating a cake that's covered in home-made marshmallow fondant! I've tried the recipe for that and it's super easy and tasty!

Joy of Baking (http://www.joyofbaking.com/) has heaps of recipes that are tested and photos as well! Helpful if you're trying to find yummy treats for specific holidays (:

Secrets...

Meh. I haven't written any gibberish here in a while.. and with the husband gone to get his motorcycle license, why not? :)

Secrets, they can make us happy, sad.. well, pretty much anything that a human being can feel.

I've got a secret that I haven't shared with many people. Well, I have a handful of things I don't just tell anyone, like.. I'm sure everyone is like that, right? But this particular secret.. is confusing. It makes me physically feel ill. Reactions had about it will probably be different.. but I doubt I'll ever tell EVERYONE. Who would?

Secrets also hold a lot of power, whether it's your own secret or someone else's. You can manipulate people pretty effectively with a good secret. Not that I'm saying we should do that! Absoultely rude, dreadful, and unloving to hold things above peoples heads to get what you want.
It's like being 5 years old and promising to tell someone a secret "but only if you ____.." .
Or telling someone you'll tell their secret if they don't do something for you.

Mean, Mean, Mean.

Anyways, I'm going to stop writting about nonsense and maybe right about something else later :D

Dun DA!

Wowzaaa

Hey Whoever reads this!

I haven't blogged in ages.. because, well... not much interesting has happened.

THOUGH! I turned 19 this month! Superly awesome cool, I know. I still feel like I'm some where in my 14-16ish ages. I'm not truly diggin' this whole 'getting older thing'. Bleh.

Also, back on the birthday thing. I was so not looking forward to it. I'd convinced myself that it was going to be tragically awful. It would just be added to the list of depressing birthdays. AND it probably would have been.

If not for my wonderful husband :) He made my day so special. I felt special. It was such a good day and it was happy. I didn't feel sad and I actually enjoyed myself. Which, in turn I must admit, made me feel so bad for being the way I was on his birthday. I was an extreme emotional disaster. I don't think I've ever been that bad. Hopefully I can make it up to him come next year.

I got some pretty cool stuff as gifts as well! My parents (who are in Alaska and I'm in Australia.. if you're not sure about distance, check out your globe or maybe google maps? ;) ) sent me a box full of stuff. REESE'S PIECES! OHH MAN! THE LOVEEEE! Australian's aren't really fans of peanut butter/chocolate combinations. Crazy, I know. You can get them here, but they're like 4 bucks for the king size package.

Anyways, my mom also sent me this book I finished reading today by Shaunti Feldhahn called 'For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men'. Can you say eye opening? It was so fantastically good, I cried, I laughed and I read the entire book quicker than most anything I read.
I honestly feel like I can love by husband better because I understand him better. It's pretty epic. Hopefully I can pass this on to my gal pals here and if anyone else reads this perhaps you'll look into reading it?
Maybe I should give you more details, Well... She made polls and had interviews with heaps of different guys getting their opinions on how they feel loved when they feel respected, how they are visually; etc. Basically things we may have the slightest clue or be completely unaware of :)

Yeah, READ SOME BOOKS YA'LL!

Another add on! This guy Dan is epic. Single dad who has hilarious and heartfelt blog. http://www.danoah.com/p/bit-about-me.html
There is a hysterical post about his son, Noah, getting a pistachio stuck up his nose. I laughed till I just about cried. You'll like it, I promise.

Thanks for reading this ladies and gents.. if you do :) I appreciate ya!

<3Chelsie

Tuesdays...

How frustrating. I deleted my post by accident. LAME.



Basically what is on my mind lately is all this free time I have.

I wish I was doing something useful and productive, like volunteering. I googled a job thing for Brisbane and looked for volunteering and didn't see anything. I look again today, see if I find anything. :) I wouldn't even mind having a job, but they have a very low percentage of unemployment here. Everyone already HAS all the employees they need.

Aw SNAP!

Actually I haven't looked that far into it yet. Apathy is a cruddy place to be. As well as finding you'd become all complacent.

I wish I could figure out where my hyperness went and where my passion for people and photography and other random things I was hugely interested in has disappeared to.

I did take some photos the other day!




I haven't got around to editing (or attempting to edit) any of them yet. I walked to the cemetary the other day. It's the place I go when I get bored and need to get away from the computer. I used to be afraid of them when I was younger. Now I see them as history. Thinking about who they were and how they lived. Their kids, stuff like that. I wonder how many people are thinking about them, how many people they helped. If they were nice or meanies.

Did they make an impact with their lives?
Will I make an impact with my life?
Who will I help? Will people remember me as a nice person or a meanie?

Despite what people may think of you now, someday you will die. Like everyone else. You don't know when. Will you try and help people have better lives by being compassionate? Or will you live for yourself?

Steven (husband) and I heard Daughtry on the radio a few days ago and looked up his songs on Youtube (I think he has a pretty darn good voice, just by the way). It really convicted me. Here's the link. Listen and watch, it's good stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtgVL__Li2E