Long time comin'

Oh, why, hello dears.

Whomever you may be that might actually read my nonsensical blathering.

I had pretty much forgotten about this blog, I believe when I last posted was while we were house hunting? Since then, with moving into our own home and being pregnant; now having another child I got a bit distracted from this space.


Life has certainly had its ups and downs here in my little world. Though, I am seeing clearer than usual at the moment with the plight of those in much more devastating circumstances. Battles in the middle east, wars again those of differing religion. I cannot imagine being some where war torn, or perhaps I can 'imagine' what it's like. But I am not being tortured and murdered here, for my beliefs (or lack there of, if you assume I should/have to believe the same as you). I haven't tossed my dying children from mountains, to keep them out of the brutal hands of those who pursue me.
  My hear just aches. I pray. I read. I post. I pray. Lord, what can be done? Sitting in my comfortable suburbia, doing little to nothing to help or know my personal neighbors.. and yet wanting to reach out to the obviously suffering so far from my grasp.

'Hypocrite.'

'He who is faithful in little will be faithful in much'

Things as such float around my mind.

So much clarity, in comparison to such great tragedy to my feeling very trivial issues. Yet, God still has time for my plight, however insignificant it may seemingly be.

  There is so much work to be done in this world, and a significant lot of work to be done in me, too. I hope, and pray that I actually put into action these hopes, that I can bring positive influence to somewhere.. to someone outside of myself and my little world.

/selfreflect

Restless

I should be better by now, knowing when nights like this are going to happen..

  I haven't written here in a while, and I do so now because I'm emotionally high strung at 20 past midnight trying to type this out on my android that currently is against me. I've been in lull for an awfully long time.. One of the terrible, drifting along with life kinds. Unmotivated with this beautiful, yet evermore terrible, world. I'm not building on relationships, I'm not taking out real God time..I'm just depressive, angsty me.

 Which drives me to cry my wee heart out about stuff that I'm still sad about.. Like, even though I moved to Australia and married my precious husband, nearly 3 years later I'm still sad that most of my friends and family couldn't be there.
 My dearest mother and my lovely friend Rebecca came as my American support. I am so grateful for the sacrifices they made to be there, and yet feel guilty about others losing their ability to be there of account of me suddenly getting married in Aus instead of Alaska.
 I'm still angry that I haven't kept better contact with my friends in the States, but I know selfishly I avoid it because it makes my heart ache.
 And because of some of those things, I hold back here. I don't emotionally invest as friends here because I'm afraid and extremely lazy.
 I neglect getting to know my brothers' in law and the beautiful girls that love them because of stupid comfortableness and stupid sucking at communicating generally..

 These things I really need to push past, because it only makes things miserable.

 I miss my family, I miss that they can't be actively involved in seeing my child grow up,
 I'm sad that I'm missing out on my siblings getting bigger and awesome-r.

 But even in all these words, and tears, and aching heart-ness.. I know I am loved by God. I know he has a plan that will take time to see more clearly. I know that whatever mood or circumstance I'm in, He wants me as I am.
Broken, dirty, and lost.


I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

..brambles

I feel I'm at a stand still with myself, perhaps I have been for a long time.

I don't feel like I'm growing or changing much, sort of like a stale cracker?


Still apathetic. Still boring. Still selfish. Still stagnant.



STILL.


Am I so without movement and fluidity in my actions and emotions that I'm doing nothing? I think so.
Am I at the point where I feel like it's easier to not care. In a way, yes. But I do care... it's the changing that's challenging while still remaining consistent in my choices. Though, I AM consistent in my bad choices and habits.




Spiritually, emotionally, physically... I remain unchallenged because I refuse it. I push aside simple, tiny steps of improvement because it's 'too much'. When really, by not taking those steps I suffer. As do those closest to me.

I am, without much doubt, sinking further into myself... drowning because I refuse to use my skill to swim.

I have been challenged, I SEE that there are issues in my life... but why am I not taking the spurring on to change?

Christ as my motivation I feel I could do so much more to be better and feel better. But I'm not sowing that like I should, I don't cultivate that relationship like I should.

It's hurting me most. It's hurting me deepest... and from that hurt I shed splinters of pain into other peoples' lives.

Selfishness is an easy, terrible thing and I need to constantly battle against it... because when I let my guard down, that is when it wins.

Apathy

I feel like I'm stuck in a 'middle ground' sort of place.

A place in between obsessively caring and ignoring it all.

Ever since I moved over from the States, I've had a hard time finding a good balance putting time into talking to/writing to those I call friends who live in America and the friends here that I spend time with.

I used to feel like any of my efforts were not enough and I was sad that I could be with all the people I liked, but I've fallen into this place where I give less than a half-hearted effort into anyone.
Instead of making people feel loved, I've worried too much about the details and everything has gone to waste.

I do love all these people that have touched my life. I have plenty of excuses to not try harder to contact people, but laziness and apathy have to be the real reasons.

It's like I'm stuck in a place where I can't move on, where being 16 was just yesterday and relationships are all the same. But everyone else has surely moved on a bit, whether with new people or careers, family etc.
I have a family now, where I didn't used to.. but maybe I'm just refusing to grow up?

I'd like to say it's easy to change, find the perfect balance, and get things back right where everyone feels how I really and truly feel for them.

But the truth is, I'm not sure I'm ready.. and I can clearly admit I'm much more selfish than I want to be.

I love my family...

No, Seriously.. I really love my family.

My sister's status on facebook was about making a fort in the living room and watching Jurassic Park.
(Cue the flood gates)

I moved to Australia to get married to my gorgeous husband, it's been tough though.. being so far away from my parents and siblings. I have a deep love in my heart for them.. even though I can accurately say I've treated them like poop from time to time and I have come to realize just how good I had it when I was there.

My hear morns the fact that I couldn't see it more clearly. Hindsight is a bittersweet friend..

I love it though, because I can see how blessed I am, too. Even with the months of crying like every other day the first year I was here. ( .. >.> ) God has a plan. Steven's family is very different to mine, again.. a big challenge in itself to get used to new people. I'm more naturally reserved.. they are not. (A household with boys dominating.. it shouldn't have been that big of a shock)But as time has gone buy, nearly 3 years now, I have got to know them a bit better! Though, I have slowed that process by turning into a clam and hiding away, sheltering my heart from any possible rejections or misunderstandings (Which makes things WORSE. not better.. just in case you were wondering).

I hope that even though I am here and my siblings are far away, that I might be able to make forts and watch movies with my Australian ones just the same. If I'm honest I can say it'll have been more for my benefit then for their own :P

Also, my Momma posted this on her facebook not long ago. It was a bit convicting, because I do this.

Well, the way I interpreted this to apply on myself (cool thing about music, it can apply to anyone.. but perhaps not in the same way as yourself) was that I need to love others without the fear of rejection or being misunderstood or wanting that love to be returned to me. I need to love others selflessly and not runaway from the possible pain that it could bring.

Just a bit of a ramble, I like blogging.. it's like venting but no one can interrupt! BWAHAHA!

My thoughts on my life concerning Jesus. (messy, but they're just rough thoughts :) )

Here is a long version for those of you who'd like to read.

Since I was a small girl I've always know about Jesus, I've known that He loves me. My parents were (and still are!) Christians, yes. Imperfect like the rest of humanity with their own flaws, I also have similar flaws and some uniquely my own. I know that everything good about my personality and character is due to the upbringing by Christian parents and loving Jesus.{ I do believe you can have a lovely character without having Christian parents and without following Jesus.. I know many people who are seemingly kinder than lots of Christians.. which is sad.. because we should be wanting to be like Jesus. }
When I was 5 years old (I believe roughly around that age) I asked Jesus into my heart, I asked him to be my savior.

I suppose I didn't fully understand what that meant, though I did love Jesus. I didn't doubt his existence either. If anything, I have experience childlike faith and it's beautiful.

Around this age and a bit older I had experienced somethings I understood FAR less, has no real grasp on the wrong or right of it..
My mother used to watch these kids, and I don't really know the other girls side of the story, if she had been sexually abused before (which I'm assuming so.. it would make the most sense), and I was caught in the hurricane of it.. the after effect of the innocence of a child being misused.
I didn't understand what was happening then, and I won't go into details but I know I haven't imagined it. These would be the first of other experiences, but I'm not the victim. How could we have known better when we didn't understand what we were doing? Only children.

Anyways, I doubt this had any serious effect on me till later on when I remembered what had happened and wondered if it had anything to do with my self esteem issues.


At 11 I saw a pornographic image on the computer for the first time, something happened with me trying to get to the Care Bears website to play games, must have mixed up a word.. and BAM! Burned into your brain forever. I did tell my mom, but I'd carry it with me.. and end up struggling not to look up these girls who'd sold themselves short, I'd look them up to compare myself.. my normal, imperfect not fully done growing body to the photohacked, airbrushed images that are so easy to find.

Needless to say I struggled with self esteem issues. I hated my body, and only now do I realize the reasons I would skip breakfast  or wait all day to eat till dinner. I thought it would make me be 'perfect'. 

"What does this have to do with anything?" Well, it'll come together, just wait :)

At 13 years old I went to a church camp held at Camp Davidson in Oregon. That's when I dedicated my life to fully following Christ. I knew from then on how ALIVE He was, that he sacrificed himself on the cross to save me from my sins, from being forever cut off by God. He sacrificed himself so I could be loved, eternally by my Creator.

Let's fast forward a bit, when I was 17 I met the man I would marry, at 18. He's a Christian, he is also not perfect either. So we make mistakes together, but really it's awesome to see how we can challenge each other to grow into better, more joyful people :)
  Roughly a year into our marriage we decided we wanted to have a baby! We were so excited when we fell pregnant we told his family and mine when I was about 6 weeks along, basically the day after we told them... I started to lose our child. That is probably the most devastating thing I have ever endured.
And no.. just because you're a Christian doesn't mean things get easy or that bad things don't happen. Bad things happen because of the choices we make, bad stuff happens because the world is fallen.


I wanted to share some of the things that happened to me, I've had pain.. I still struggle with feeling like I'm not physically as good as everyone else. I still struggle feeling worthy. But I KNOW my God loves me, I know He treasures what I don't see as beautiful. He's got me through these times through His word, through the strength of Godly, imperfect human beings who are trying to be like Jesus and follow him, my friends.

You feel peace when you're at your most terrible times, you've got strength when you're falling to pieces.
You know you're loved when everyone else rejects or neglects you. If you rely on Him, you get through. You have hope and peace.


I know this isn't eloquent or well put together, and veeerrrry rough. But these are my thoughts, these are my experiences and I'm more than happy to answer questions you might have.
I don't want these to be treated as secrets, if you have questions about whatever please ask me.



^"35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Romans 8:35-39

"So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed."

John 8:36

Being Brave; thoughts.

I was pondering bravery,... well, rather I was wondering if I am a brave person.

I'll kill things (bugs) for people who are afraid. I'll do little things, things that aren't truly important. Like, I rarely find the ability to stand my ground on things I feel strongly in. Its as if the words are there, but my mouth is glued shut.

I remember when my sister and I were young, the neighbor girls picked on her and I did nothing, didn't defend her. But as soon as either of us would tell off one of the girls, the other sister would step in and tell us off...

I wonder how greatly I let fear and wanting to be accepted rule me. I'm afraid to say things that are in defense of my Christian friends because I don't want to make them look foolish or end up in the cross fire.

I think if I really sought after God's opinion I would be very brave. I wouldn't mind what others though, I mean.. I still feel like a dimwit after speaking my mind in bible study weeks ago. Perhaps it's because I wasn't careful with what I was saying... or perhaps I guard my words and rarely speak that I am still in shell shock that I said anything :P


Also, I reckon I speak openly at the wrong times, when I put my defense up and get the claws out. When the anxiety of being belittled or emotionally crushed is (seemingly) in the horizon, my thought process goes down the poop shoot and tada! Big ol' not think mess. Great, a jumble of fear, anger, and annoyance spill out like venom targeting straight for the soul.. 'like a two-edged sword'.


I think the key here to all of this is probably self-control, it does seem that it would describe 'keeping yourself from doing something' BUT it also encompasses 'DOING something you know you're meant to do'.

Ahhh, to ramble. <3

Sanctified.. just a little thinking typed out.

I want to live a life of loving on people, constantly reminding myself that none of us is beyond redemption and no one is immune to eternal suffering.
We could always be in that other person's shoes. We could always be that person that made a horrible choice to cause someone else to suffer.
Jesus is a redeemer, Jesus is a lover, He made the way for us to be free from our burdens. And all we have to do is accept it.

I don't always make the right choices, I don't always want to do the right thing. But I know who I should be like, and I know I'm loved even though I don't deserve to be.


1 Corinthians 6:9-11
^"9Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,¹⁰nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. ¹¹And^C)"> such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God."

I guess I've just had this verse on my mind and heart for a while. I'd been thinking about how we are so quick to be judgemental and we forget our own short comings so easily when we can point the finger at someone else. We separate our badness from other peoples badness and say that they are worse. Yes, the world does treat things/punish differently for different crimes. Like murder, etc (which sometimes, people get longer time in prison for stealing.. our world is a corrupt place). But God sees us as the same. We all do things that are unjust, selfish, and hateful. God disapproves of them all and we should be getting a good beat down. Just because our badness is 'less bad', doesn't mean we don't deserve to be punished.

But in steps God's love and mercy. He gives us Jesus and says "You know what, you've really hurt me. You do the wrong thing all the time, I give you instructions, restrictions, etc. Make things easier on you and you still can't get it right. BUT! Because I'm so huge, unfathomable, terrible, awesome, mighty, holy, righteous, beyond any description you can come up with in your human comprehension, I'll send Jesus. He'll be the way that I can be connected with you and have a relationship with you again. Because my love is so vast and deeply amazing for you."

If God, who has every right to knock us silly for all the stuff we do everyday but doesn't because He loves us and he see the sacrifice of Jesus over us, loves us then what right do we have to withhold love from others?

We really need to look at ourselves, it's SO easy to be self-righteous, be the glittery, pretty gold cup on the outside and where the drink is held is completely, putrid disgustingness.

Jesus came down on the hypocrites, the pharisees, people who made it all show, but their hearts where all twisted up and defunked. Jesus ate with and loved on the people the pharisees thought of as scum. He went against everything that was culturally 'acceptable' so he could reach out and love.

Yah, I think Jesus is epically amazing and God is especially gracious to us. What are we going to do about that?

I know I have SO much to work on and am far away from what I should be doing and who I should be. But I've got love. I have a redeemer and that gives me Hope!

CUPCAKES!

Alright, SO I really like cupcakes. I like the way they look, the way they smell, and (usually..) the way they taste!

Unfortunatley, I can't seem to bake cupcakes I actually think taste ok.. Usually the texture is totally off OR I can't seem to find a good frosting for them :(

I complaned to my mom at one point about this and she bought be a cupcake book for Christmas! She's nice! :D But I haven't actually got around to baking anything from it yet...

Anyways, I thought I'd share a few links I've found with cute baking-y stuffs!

Bakerella(http://www.bakerella.com/)! SUPER cute, not all cupcakey.. but seriously.. if you're into baked cuteness, you'll like it.. A LOT! Make sure you check out the cakepops!

CakeJournal(http://www.cakejournal.com/) Is FULL of how-to do anything from decorating a cupcake and what tips to use, to decorating a cake that's covered in home-made marshmallow fondant! I've tried the recipe for that and it's super easy and tasty!

Joy of Baking (http://www.joyofbaking.com/) has heaps of recipes that are tested and photos as well! Helpful if you're trying to find yummy treats for specific holidays (:

Secrets...

Meh. I haven't written any gibberish here in a while.. and with the husband gone to get his motorcycle license, why not? :)

Secrets, they can make us happy, sad.. well, pretty much anything that a human being can feel.

I've got a secret that I haven't shared with many people. Well, I have a handful of things I don't just tell anyone, like.. I'm sure everyone is like that, right? But this particular secret.. is confusing. It makes me physically feel ill. Reactions had about it will probably be different.. but I doubt I'll ever tell EVERYONE. Who would?

Secrets also hold a lot of power, whether it's your own secret or someone else's. You can manipulate people pretty effectively with a good secret. Not that I'm saying we should do that! Absoultely rude, dreadful, and unloving to hold things above peoples heads to get what you want.
It's like being 5 years old and promising to tell someone a secret "but only if you ____.." .
Or telling someone you'll tell their secret if they don't do something for you.

Mean, Mean, Mean.

Anyways, I'm going to stop writting about nonsense and maybe right about something else later :D

Dun DA!

Wowzaaa

Hey Whoever reads this!

I haven't blogged in ages.. because, well... not much interesting has happened.

THOUGH! I turned 19 this month! Superly awesome cool, I know. I still feel like I'm some where in my 14-16ish ages. I'm not truly diggin' this whole 'getting older thing'. Bleh.

Also, back on the birthday thing. I was so not looking forward to it. I'd convinced myself that it was going to be tragically awful. It would just be added to the list of depressing birthdays. AND it probably would have been.

If not for my wonderful husband :) He made my day so special. I felt special. It was such a good day and it was happy. I didn't feel sad and I actually enjoyed myself. Which, in turn I must admit, made me feel so bad for being the way I was on his birthday. I was an extreme emotional disaster. I don't think I've ever been that bad. Hopefully I can make it up to him come next year.

I got some pretty cool stuff as gifts as well! My parents (who are in Alaska and I'm in Australia.. if you're not sure about distance, check out your globe or maybe google maps? ;) ) sent me a box full of stuff. REESE'S PIECES! OHH MAN! THE LOVEEEE! Australian's aren't really fans of peanut butter/chocolate combinations. Crazy, I know. You can get them here, but they're like 4 bucks for the king size package.

Anyways, my mom also sent me this book I finished reading today by Shaunti Feldhahn called 'For Women Only: What you need to know about the inner lives of men'. Can you say eye opening? It was so fantastically good, I cried, I laughed and I read the entire book quicker than most anything I read.
I honestly feel like I can love by husband better because I understand him better. It's pretty epic. Hopefully I can pass this on to my gal pals here and if anyone else reads this perhaps you'll look into reading it?
Maybe I should give you more details, Well... She made polls and had interviews with heaps of different guys getting their opinions on how they feel loved when they feel respected, how they are visually; etc. Basically things we may have the slightest clue or be completely unaware of :)

Yeah, READ SOME BOOKS YA'LL!

Another add on! This guy Dan is epic. Single dad who has hilarious and heartfelt blog. http://www.danoah.com/p/bit-about-me.html
There is a hysterical post about his son, Noah, getting a pistachio stuck up his nose. I laughed till I just about cried. You'll like it, I promise.

Thanks for reading this ladies and gents.. if you do :) I appreciate ya!

<3Chelsie

Tuesdays...

How frustrating. I deleted my post by accident. LAME.



Basically what is on my mind lately is all this free time I have.

I wish I was doing something useful and productive, like volunteering. I googled a job thing for Brisbane and looked for volunteering and didn't see anything. I look again today, see if I find anything. :) I wouldn't even mind having a job, but they have a very low percentage of unemployment here. Everyone already HAS all the employees they need.

Aw SNAP!

Actually I haven't looked that far into it yet. Apathy is a cruddy place to be. As well as finding you'd become all complacent.

I wish I could figure out where my hyperness went and where my passion for people and photography and other random things I was hugely interested in has disappeared to.

I did take some photos the other day!




I haven't got around to editing (or attempting to edit) any of them yet. I walked to the cemetary the other day. It's the place I go when I get bored and need to get away from the computer. I used to be afraid of them when I was younger. Now I see them as history. Thinking about who they were and how they lived. Their kids, stuff like that. I wonder how many people are thinking about them, how many people they helped. If they were nice or meanies.

Did they make an impact with their lives?
Will I make an impact with my life?
Who will I help? Will people remember me as a nice person or a meanie?

Despite what people may think of you now, someday you will die. Like everyone else. You don't know when. Will you try and help people have better lives by being compassionate? Or will you live for yourself?

Steven (husband) and I heard Daughtry on the radio a few days ago and looked up his songs on Youtube (I think he has a pretty darn good voice, just by the way). It really convicted me. Here's the link. Listen and watch, it's good stuff.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JtgVL__Li2E

Oh Man! Aren't you Behind?

HELLO WORLD!

It's been ages, hasn't it?! Okay, updates. Lemme think...

So, Since my last blog entry/whatever it's called. I've met a boy online... he came to visit me and my family, we got engaged, and now I'm married and living in Australia!
WOO! I'm A WIFE! (to a very wonderful man, if I do say so myself.. :] )

God has blessed me very well! It has been a bit hard for me in being away from what is familiar... even though I've had 9 months to adjust. (Yea...)

Well... I can't even think of things to say! Being married is great! I don't have much of a life to report though other than that because I haven't really got super involved in anything outside of the house. My photography hobbies have died a bit. I think because I've allowed myself to feel bummed out, things that are important to me I just don't do/work on/put engery and effort into.
It's pretty lame. I've let myself become that way. I can't blame anyone! I could have been a lot different, been stronger, decided that "NO! I WON'T BE DEFEATED!!" By whatever, depression, lack of confidence; etc. and let God work through me.. but no. I was having a bad attitude.

I need to PRAY! and find God and listen and seek Him out. I want to be better at giving God my time and my life, like I used to be better at. Cast my cares onto Jesus, coz He loves us and He is REALLY, truly good.

*looking for a cool verse.. and and by the way! Look up word4u2day.com.au, seriously the coolest little devotional book. I got one free from church (: *

This entire chapter is good! (As well as the whole book!) I'm gonna share part that I highlighted a little while back..

Psalm 18:28-36 (NKJV)

²⁸ For You will light my lamp;
The LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
²⁹ For by You I can run against a troop,
By my God I can leap over a wall.
³⁰ As for God, His way is perfect;
The word of the LORD is proven;
He is a shield to all who trust in Him.

³¹ For who is God, except the LORD?
And who is a rock, except our God?
³² It is God who arms me with strength,
And makes my way perfect.
³³ He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places.
³⁴ He teaches my hands to make war,
So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

³⁵ You have also given me the shield of Your salvation;
Your right hand has held me up,
Your gentleness has made me great.
³⁶ You enlarged my path under me,
So my feet did not slip.

Also sharing....

Pictures from the wedding!!(For proof reasons... :P )

Photography

Yup.

I like to take random pictures [:

It's one of my very few hobbies that I actually practice...

Maybe I'll post more later

Yeah, I haven't bloggered (? ha) in a while./
and i kind of just feel like typing out a bunch of nonsense because I can.
I feel... slightly rantish.

Dunno why either.

Blah. Lack of inspiration.

But I'm so blessed!! I'm sure I could think of something smart to type out if I felt super compelled. But over achiever, I am not.

Though, I have this awwweeeesssoooommeee friend whom I like to call 'Taterkin' because said friend doesn't like it. (muahaha! Dunno if you'll read this.. but whatever.) Very inspiring and motivating person. As well as a lot of other things.

P:

I'm really thirsty right now and I also don't know why. Dehydration? Could be.

I also feel insanely distant from people. Why? That's what I wanna know. Maybe I'm just tired. Or being overly emotional,.... sounds like a girlish thing to do. Lame.

You know what. I should just take the focus off of myself and put it onto God and others. Yes. Okay, so that is what I'm going to be working on. If I feel 'bored' and am about to do something dumb like be online playing games for 45 hours, (not really that many hours. and usually when I'm online it's for a very amazing reason. If you read the above and felt at all offended by my internet comment, it has NOTHING to do with you. When I'm online talking to people it's never a waste, in my opinion.) I'll try and remind myself to pray some more or read my bible or maybe call up a friend I haven't talked to in a long time.

Basically. This is a rant by me to me.

I need work. I need more focus. I need more Jesus in my day.


I feel way better now after all this typing. Maybe some sleep soon will help even more; after I get good focus, or course.


If you read this. I'm very.. very sorry. You must be bored [;

-------------------
Twilight: The Moon's goodnight kiss to The Sunshine.
----------
Chances are you never gave
Happiness a second thought;
Everyone will stop and say
Lose your way in everything.
Sidetracked by lies and smiles
Is this the real way to live your life?
Everything is worth a question.
----------
Fading color; Glittering lights
Underneath your Twilight Skies.

After the Moon Kissed the Day Goodnight.

Bid farewell to the days sorrows;
Forget the yesterday tomorrow.

Dr. John Bosman (at g//z - Beginning of End|Strong)

SpiritWind

I feel like blogging about this just in case I lose my notebook.
I should probably do this more often.
Basically, a friend and I had a discussion on part of this on the same day Dr. Bosman would talk on it.

Here are my notes off of John's talk:

God wanted you to be here, he needs you to be here for a purpose.

[[People are like Snowflakes, not One is the Same]]

"You are YOU for a reason. Never ever try to be somebody else."

You make the decision to be a failure or a success, your parents and your peers don't decide for you.

How do I live my life to End Strong? 5 ways that will help you to end your life strong:

1) It starts with a goal. Focusing on the Call of God. Develop a purpose, what is your purpose? Whatever stirs your passion determines your purpose/calling.[Do you feel pulled to a certain place or a particular people? Do you feel sadness or anger towards something?] Mind in the beginning what matters at the end. [How will your choice effect certain goals in your life? Make the right choice now.]


2)Determine where you are and live your life committed to your dream/goal. [Reference to Alice in Wonderland: When Alice speaks to the Cheshire Cat and he tells her she can't know where she's going until she knows where she's at.]


3) Aim your life like an arrow. FOCUS. Learn to focus on your determined destiny. [Like a camera, focus on your goal and the rest fades out]
Find a subject and decide to focus on one thing. If you'll spend an extra hour everyday on the subject you choose, you'll become an expert in that field in five years or less.


4) Choose your relationships carefully. [Mind in the beginning what matters at the end [; ] Our God is a God of new beginnings.


5) Make God the top priority of your life. [Putting your main focus on God is going to help you find what you're looking for. He helps everything fall into place]

Psalm 119: 9-16

9 How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
10 With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
11 Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.
12 Blessed are You, O LORD!
Teach me Your statutes.
13 With my lips I have declared
All the judgments of Your mouth.
14 I have rejoiced in the way of Your testimonies,
As much as in all riches.
15 I will meditate on Your precepts,
And contemplate Your ways.
16 I will delight myself in Your statutes;
I will not forget Your word.

Ponderin

I AM SO BLESSED.

I was born blessed.

Today I just thought about everything I'm surrounded by, how much do I really take for granted?

Everything.

I've already been given so much that I don't appreciate, yet I ask for more?

I doubt I'm ever really thankful.

That needs to change.

Along with how I view... everything, and my attitude.

Dude(/ette), I just wanna grow a little more. Change a little bit...

(Alright, so I'm using my blog to rant)

and hopefully that little bit.. will turn into more.

AND perhaps I'll figure out what I'm suppose to be doing with myself.

Maybe... I should stop stressing about that and give life more of an 'adventure' view.

Without being stupid, how ever that works.

If you've figured out how to not be stupid, please get a hold of me.

Then beat it into the thick walls of my skull so it can soak into my brain... ?

Scary.


John 16:33

33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."


^I think I need to absorb that verse some more.

I think... that I need to absorb Jesus A LOT more as well.


Maybe I need to learn to stop thinking... and put some more action into my life.

*sigh*

Thanks for reading, and if not... it was still good to ramble!

<333

Because I'm not sleeping.

I'm just gonna say hi.

I don't have anything inspiring or motivating to say right now...

hopefully when it really counts I will.


Tonight I watched Fireproof with some really awesome people.

and I just felt like I was re-informed on how human we are.

How we can be hurt and hurt others without even knowing it.

Especially that there's always someone who is going through or has been through the same thing as you have, and you might never find out. Though, All this time.. you've been standing right next to them or talking to them at least once a week. You passed them at the store, maybe you don't even know their name.

We're so selfish and self promoting.

Even when we're doing something to help someone it seems like (well, for me so I'm not stereotyping everyone) really in the back of our minds, we've done it to make ourselves feel good.


OR something happens.. and you really don't want to do something coz you don't want to 'man up' and hurt someone.. or I dunno how to explain it.

But I guess sometimes you just gotta go through suckishness and know that God's got it in His hands and try not to worry and just be prayerful on it..


Oh, life.


Going through the fire to be refined... hmm.

Living with my friend Proverbs.

Okay, Good afternoon everyone.

(It's silly to me that I've had 81 views and no comments?!?! *faints* just kidding)


So, I've been reading Proverbs lately, which has been helping me be less frustrated. It seems like whenever a new problem developed, there's a verse to match.

For example:

Dealing with people who give advice but won't take it. (Yes, everyone does have their moments, don't kid yourself)
"Pride leads to arguments, be humble, take advice, and become wise." -Proverbs 13:10

Basically in every chapter of Proverbs I've been able to apply at least one verse to my life.

Like, beings frustrated with myself and with people and having no clue how to handle the situation.
"We can make plans, but the final outcome is in God's hands."-Proverbs 16:1
Comforting and scary at the same time.. yes? :]


ha, Anyways.. Proverbs has been insanely epic for me right now :]
And I want to post a gazillion verses.. but it'll be more helpful if you'd read it for yourself.

But, because I can.. I'll leave you with a couple more of my favorites so far.

"Kindness makes a man attractive, and it is better to be poor then dishonest."- Proverbs 19:22

"Since the Lord is directing our steps, why try to understand everything that happens along the way?"-Proverbs 20:24

"A wise man is mightier then a strong man, Wisdom is mightier then strength."- Proverbs 24:5


Thanks for reading! (I love you all <3 )

Heyo!

Soo, I decided maybe I should blog a little today... because I like never do.

Anyways, I watched LOST last night. MAN! How confusing is that show, But I can't help but love it to pieces.

This season has reminded me why Hurley was my favorite character last season: "You know, maybe if you ate more comfort food, you wouldn't go around shooting people."

Feel free to correct me on the quote if you feel there are errors.

Not that you actually read this.

Hah.

I'm going to work today! :) I work with AASB. If you don't know what that is... I probably maybe should tell you? I dunno.

I'm going to stuff some envelopes with information for different school districts throughout Alaska.

Yessir!

Soooo, Yes.

I'm kind of stoked for today because it's sunny! And I need to get ready for work.
And if your curious as to why I'm going to work at 1pm on a school day, it's because I can.
(Homeschooler)


Later my Peoples!

If I have any... :/